i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
