I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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