Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
