i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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