Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
