i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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