I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize