remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
