one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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