remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you didnt know i had herpes?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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