i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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