Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
