I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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