I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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