The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
