I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
