You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
