he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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