he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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