hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
