I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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