Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
