I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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