cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
