Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
