You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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