And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
