I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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