The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
