do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
