I just threw up on my dentist
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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