I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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