At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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