the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
