proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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