If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
