Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
