Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
