he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
