she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
