this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm too high and old for this...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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