You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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