trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
