I'm going to jail i love you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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