All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
