I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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