So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
