Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
