Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everclear isn't food dammit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
