Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
