RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
