rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
