You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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