"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
