Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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