i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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