EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
