my mouth tastes like poor choices
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
