i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
