Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
