...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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