I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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