he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
