So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
