It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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