There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
